July 17, 2025 Routinely Routine

 I'm a creature of habit. I thrive on routine and order, making me likely the most boring person on Earth. This summer has thrown a huge wrench in those works, from expected (and unexpected) delays in the renovation to a sad family issue. I knew it was getting bad and out of control when I suffered the first anxiety attack in a very long time that flattened me, emotionally and physically for the last few days.

Luckily, I was able to work through that setback and am pondering my options for the day. As you will not be surprised to hear, I have my work clothes on and will be assessing my paint supply for the kitchen. I know I can put in a full day on that room to finish my part in it.

I also have other small items on my to-do list, not high priority, more so activities I can fill in time when I'm at odds with something to do. The weather has largely dictated the outdoor part of that list. The rain (welcomed, of course), as well as the extreme heat has kept me from venturing out to paint my garden shed door, spray painting some decor...you get the gist. I've been doing the mowing dance with Mother Nature, having to mow when it really wasn't dry enough but necessary to keep the grass under control. Plus, that's my happy place!

Covid taught me that it was okay to be home, without any outside obligations or apology. I found I didn't miss the stress of being in the public. Crowds have always bothered me. That's funny, if you think about it. I grew up in a crowd! I hate having attention drawn to me. I found the me that truly loves purging and organizing. I formed new habits that I still utilize routinely.

The point of all of this is to say that I had the revelation that what I do here is important. Maybe not to anyone else, but to me. Here at home, I feel valuable.

It's a beautiful day and I'm going to make the most of it. ☘

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Monday August 11, 2025 The Record Must Be Straightened

My family faces something we knew would happen one day, and dreaded; the beginning of losing siblings. This loss is of the second in our birth order, one of only three sisters amidst the horde of boys. The outpouring of caring and sympathy has been frankly overwhelming and very much appreciated.  There is one thing I feel compelled to address and clear the air. Now, this is strictly to ease my discomfort, and is in no way a condemnation of anyone. My sister and I were not close. This all began as children, born close together, not a new or recent development. We grew up as different individuals, in a big crowd. As adults, with our own families, we drifted farther apart in spite of living in the same town. Simply put, we just stayed in our own lanes.  At no time, no matter what disagreements or hurts happened, did I ever forget that she was, above all, still my sister. As my wise brother-in-law shared with me, some things just can't be fixed, so we just let it be. But now,...
Read more

April 1, 2025 Nobody's Fool

  April is here. Now may the warm spring days be more and the cold snowy ones a fond memory. There is no need for a drumroll for this topic today. I quit drinking. I have not counted the days, but it's been about a year and a half since. Instead of calling it a recovery, I feel it's better for me to refer to it as a significant life change. Unlike many, I did not have a dramatic event that forced this change. There was no major health problem, behavior faux pas, criminal slip, or intervention. I simply...quit. It was after the fact that I found how positively my life would be impacted. Alcohol had always been a part of my life, from the days Dad would give me a "snort" of his icy beer after work, to being of legal age at 18, always present at every celebration, to becoming a crutch during Covid. That is where it, in hindsight, got out of hand. I hid it pretty well, although the bottles accumulated at an alarming rate in the recycling. I ignored it, thinking I was okay...
Read more

April 19, 2025 I Forgive You, I Forgive Me

This is an extremely difficult and painful post, but a necessary part of my personal acceptance and healing. I've had a caring professional encourage me to do so, but I've put it off for too long. First of all, I am not targeting any one person. My use of "you" is a general term. I do take responsibility for letting them make me feel the way I did, and it's taken me so long to come to terms with being happy to just be me, warts and all. So, here goes... I forgive you for making me grow up too fast. Being the firstborn seemed to give so many license to make me more independent that I was truly ready to handle. I grew to be someone who never wanted to depend on anyone but myself. It caused me to push people away, instead of accepting help when it was offered, or affection I didn't feel I deserved. A shining example was a nun, who said when I was caught coming into the school lobby because I'd walked the 1/2 mile in the freezing cold, and wanted to get warm, ...
Read more