July 5, 2025 Promises to Myself

It's so hot and humid outside, I am happily ensconced in my air conditioned home. I have family members at my brother's little lake palace, but they're all at the lake. The sun has proven not be my friend as I'm recovered from skin cancer. So, sitting next to the shore isn't in the cards, even with a hat. One of my meds makes me more intolerant to the heat. So, here I sit instead. 

I spent some time in the past few days, caring for my indoor plants. Some have had cuttings taken, others have outlived their usefulness with their failure to thrive. I only do this about twice a year. At the same time, a couple of my outdoor beauties did not survive the outrageous temps in spite of copious watering, so they've been given a decent burial, and replaced with heartier alternatives. The jungle is now at its best...for now. 

Playing in the dirt, mowing, trimming, weeding, and blowing away debris is when I get my best reflecting done, I swear! The pace of life since returning from our trip has been more frantic than we anticipated but it feels so good at the same time. I think that's why I appreciate these random quiet times a little more. But, to the main purpose of this post...

When I quit drinking, I made myself promises. As it turns out, keeping those promises has been harder than giving up alcohol! Hence the reflection 

Physical scars are seen. Some fade with time, others stay evident forever. Emotional scars are never as noticeable, unless exacerbated. As some of you who have read previously, I have several. I believe we all do, to one extent or another.

The promise I made to myself was that I am no longer going to tolerate being judged, criticized, bullied, or belittled. I refuse to be put in a position to have to defend myself against others' assumptions. Walking away from conflict will be a part of my coping, and likely the hard part. I also will be more aware of myself and how I treat and react to others.

The haze has now begun to dissipate as the sun is burning through it. That light from Ma Nature is a blessing. We didn't feel quite as patriotic as in past years, so I have no decor to remove and store. Will our country be in a better place next year?

The drywall gets done in the kitchen on Monday. I'm not sure when the electrician will finish installing the outlets, but the wiring is done. Things are moving along!

God bless America; long may she wave. ☘




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Monday August 11, 2025 The Record Must Be Straightened

My family faces something we knew would happen one day, and dreaded; the beginning of losing siblings. This loss is of the second in our birth order, one of only three sisters amidst the horde of boys. The outpouring of caring and sympathy has been frankly overwhelming and very much appreciated.  There is one thing I feel compelled to address and clear the air. Now, this is strictly to ease my discomfort, and is in no way a condemnation of anyone. My sister and I were not close. This all began as children, born close together, not a new or recent development. We grew up as different individuals, in a big crowd. As adults, with our own families, we drifted farther apart in spite of living in the same town. Simply put, we just stayed in our own lanes.  At no time, no matter what disagreements or hurts happened, did I ever forget that she was, above all, still my sister. As my wise brother-in-law shared with me, some things just can't be fixed, so we just let it be. But now,...
Read more

April 1, 2025 Nobody's Fool

  April is here. Now may the warm spring days be more and the cold snowy ones a fond memory. There is no need for a drumroll for this topic today. I quit drinking. I have not counted the days, but it's been about a year and a half since. Instead of calling it a recovery, I feel it's better for me to refer to it as a significant life change. Unlike many, I did not have a dramatic event that forced this change. There was no major health problem, behavior faux pas, criminal slip, or intervention. I simply...quit. It was after the fact that I found how positively my life would be impacted. Alcohol had always been a part of my life, from the days Dad would give me a "snort" of his icy beer after work, to being of legal age at 18, always present at every celebration, to becoming a crutch during Covid. That is where it, in hindsight, got out of hand. I hid it pretty well, although the bottles accumulated at an alarming rate in the recycling. I ignored it, thinking I was okay...
Read more

April 19, 2025 I Forgive You, I Forgive Me

This is an extremely difficult and painful post, but a necessary part of my personal acceptance and healing. I've had a caring professional encourage me to do so, but I've put it off for too long. First of all, I am not targeting any one person. My use of "you" is a general term. I do take responsibility for letting them make me feel the way I did, and it's taken me so long to come to terms with being happy to just be me, warts and all. So, here goes... I forgive you for making me grow up too fast. Being the firstborn seemed to give so many license to make me more independent that I was truly ready to handle. I grew to be someone who never wanted to depend on anyone but myself. It caused me to push people away, instead of accepting help when it was offered, or affection I didn't feel I deserved. A shining example was a nun, who said when I was caught coming into the school lobby because I'd walked the 1/2 mile in the freezing cold, and wanted to get warm, ...
Read more