September 17, 2025 Therapy Time

There is a whole lot of trust going into this entry, and I'm hoping I can count on it being a judgment-free zone. Rest assured, I'm not jonesing for sympathy or any other emotion from anyone. There are just things I need to get off my chest. (oh, God; here she goes again)...

We have already explored the reality of the world we live in being a very heavy place, and the hits keep on coming. It's all a lot. For everyone. The harder I try to cope, the worse I feel. So, I'm burying my head for a few, only checking in on my friends on social media and ignoring the rest of the noise until I feel I'm back on my game. There are, after all, only so many dozens of cookies and loaves of bread I can muster. That said, with the load of outside chaos weakening my reserve, the day to day even becomes overwhelming.

I'm so sick of the "Christians" preaching their version of what is righteous, being the self-appointed judges of us all. I grew up in a traditional Irish Catholic family, went to Catholic school, sent my kids as well, and for those who share that legacy, know that there is a certainty that we were well-schooled in real Christianity. There is no doubt in my mind about the difference between right and wrong, simplistic as it sounds. My parents were good people who raised nine of us to be kind to others, respect the rules, and work hard. So for those who claim that their way is the only way...shut up.

The last thing I expected after I retired was to be raising another generation, especially two teens and a precocious 10 year old. Make no mistake, I adore them all. Circumstances, Jennifer working full time and being in school simultaneously, has put me past the usual responsibilities as Gramzie. The extra laundry, groceries, constant reminders that naturally come with boys, mostly smell-related, and the overall running here and there, plus the general messiness has days where I frankly feel overwhelmed and a bit under appreciated. In her heart, I know she does. I just don't always feel it. Compounding matters is Chapter 2 of her 16 year old self coming out in her eldest. I already read this book, and didn't enjoy it much the first time. Interesting enough, she does not see the similarities. My hope is that I have more patience and wisdom this time around, but the worry does not go away.

Randy is still working, and while he has culled out the jobs he'll do, it remains too much in my mind, so when he comes in, he's tired and isn't much support. He shuts down once he's changed and in his recliner. One of the perks he "enjoys" is the fact that while he won't admit it, he can't hear as well as before. A lot goes on of which he's blissfully unaware. He tries, believe me, by saying "you'll be okay" a lot. He does spend a lot of time with the boys; they'll do whatever he wants. It's the aftermath that gets pushed aside. These are observations, not complaints!

In spite of whatever this is, I have a very good life for which I am forever grateful. There is still so much good that surrounds me and mine. All of the aforementioned had me awake at 4 a.m. so I knew I needed to press the release valve. The real upside is that it's not so bad that I'd want to drink again, which wouldn't solve one darned thing.

We have a football game today, boys overnight again, and a family wedding on Saturday. It will feel good to get away from home for a couple of days.

Take care of yourself. ☘

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