January 13, 2026 Guardrails

 I used to think I needed to set up guardrails to protect myself. Turns out I need to set up guardrails to protect all those around me. I'm taking a bigger step back from social media, but instead of deleting it all, I'm checking in only 1-2X/day, and the Friends feed only.  The climate on FB is so tense, and I'm trusting the experts to share relevant information. It's all messing with my head.

I seem to be always saying or doing the wrong thing, no matter how well intended. I've been this way all my life. For some reason, I manage to shove my size 9 in my mouth way too often or fumble the ball on the 4th down.  It's a great source of frustration.

When I stopped drinking, I was hopeful I would put myself in those situations less often. Well, it's better, yet still too often in my mind, and remains a constant embarrassment for me, even though it is never from malice or unkindness.

Most times, it's driven by emotion.  In my case, my heart shouts louder than my mind. Hence, another screwup. My life is full of it and I end up feeling really stupid. I attribute my social awkwardness to my discomfort in crowds. Pretty laughable from someone who grew up in a crowd, wouldn't you say?

I hope this is real enough for you.  I'm beginning to keep myself closed off more, rather than do/say the wrong thing. For all I know, I may be doing it on here, but I feel so much better after I air a particular piece of laundry. One of my therapists once told me it's a protective behavior, so I'm going with that. Oh, wait; now I wonder if it's to protect me, or those around me?? Meh. He wasn't a very good therapist.

With all of that said, I'm waiting for a pan of rolls to rise, with butter for a batch of cookies softening.  Now that's what I call therapy.

Thanks for listening...and maybe even giggling a little? ☘


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