February 2, 2026 Superpowers

Let's face it; we all have a superpower. Some are readily identified, others may be more subtle in nature.

I'm pretty unvarnished here, but I do not share everything (believe it or not).  So when I say that anxiety is a bitch, I'm being pretty vulnerable. Getting to the root of said anxiety isn't always clearcut. Taking control when things are in a free fall is one of my strong points.

When mounting anxiety began to affect my sleep, I needed to take a big step back, slow my roll (also part of it), and reflect honestly about why my insides were in a roil. 

Step one was identifying the fact that I needed to face a fear. I've carried it around for a long time, but there was something different about it rearing its ugly head now. it required admitting it...out loud. Yesterday, I did just that; confessing to Randy what was scaring me, then having a good cry about it. All he had to do was acknowledge my feelings and let me cry it out.

From there, it was time to look around and be real. I had to admit to biting off way more than I needed to chew with updating our company books. It wasn't complacency that kept me from upgrading the program. It was that it worked to flawlessly for us. The struggle to learn wasn't because I couldn't do it; it was just too much work for what we actually needed. It was the roadblock of requiring me to completely rebuild after 44 years since the company information would not migrate over. Taking on all of that was simply too daunting, and frankly unnecessary. The subscription cost was prohibitive and unsustainable. Another problem identified and solved.

The rest of the offending issues relate to others so that I will not share. I will say that coming to terms with those circumstances has been painful. Due to that, I've been more withdrawn and more protective. Acceptance released the rest of the nagging insecurities and has made me more reserved and that's okay! Social media has been harmful to me once; I can't let that happen again. Hear that beeping sound? That is me, backing up a ways. 

There may be.other factors, but this Is what I've come to terms with thus far. I was late going to bed last night but did sleep better. We have another wrestling meet today, which is always a wonderful distraction .

Thanks for listening. ☘

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Monday August 11, 2025 The Record Must Be Straightened

My family faces something we knew would happen one day, and dreaded; the beginning of losing siblings. This loss is of the second in our birth order, one of only three sisters amidst the horde of boys. The outpouring of caring and sympathy has been frankly overwhelming and very much appreciated.  There is one thing I feel compelled to address and clear the air. Now, this is strictly to ease my discomfort, and is in no way a condemnation of anyone. My sister and I were not close. This all began as children, born close together, not a new or recent development. We grew up as different individuals, in a big crowd. As adults, with our own families, we drifted farther apart in spite of living in the same town. Simply put, we just stayed in our own lanes.  At no time, no matter what disagreements or hurts happened, did I ever forget that she was, above all, still my sister. As my wise brother-in-law shared with me, some things just can't be fixed, so we just let it be. But now,...
Read more

April 1, 2025 Nobody's Fool

  April is here. Now may the warm spring days be more and the cold snowy ones a fond memory. There is no need for a drumroll for this topic today. I quit drinking. I have not counted the days, but it's been about a year and a half since. Instead of calling it a recovery, I feel it's better for me to refer to it as a significant life change. Unlike many, I did not have a dramatic event that forced this change. There was no major health problem, behavior faux pas, criminal slip, or intervention. I simply...quit. It was after the fact that I found how positively my life would be impacted. Alcohol had always been a part of my life, from the days Dad would give me a "snort" of his icy beer after work, to being of legal age at 18, always present at every celebration, to becoming a crutch during Covid. That is where it, in hindsight, got out of hand. I hid it pretty well, although the bottles accumulated at an alarming rate in the recycling. I ignored it, thinking I was okay...
Read more

April 19, 2025 I Forgive You, I Forgive Me

This is an extremely difficult and painful post, but a necessary part of my personal acceptance and healing. I've had a caring professional encourage me to do so, but I've put it off for too long. First of all, I am not targeting any one person. My use of "you" is a general term. I do take responsibility for letting them make me feel the way I did, and it's taken me so long to come to terms with being happy to just be me, warts and all. So, here goes... I forgive you for making me grow up too fast. Being the firstborn seemed to give so many license to make me more independent that I was truly ready to handle. I grew to be someone who never wanted to depend on anyone but myself. It caused me to push people away, instead of accepting help when it was offered, or affection I didn't feel I deserved. A shining example was a nun, who said when I was caught coming into the school lobby because I'd walked the 1/2 mile in the freezing cold, and wanted to get warm, ...
Read more