August 15, 2026 Grand Reality

I'm feeling like a failure as a mother.

When we were raising our kids, one of our rules was that if you start something, you must see it through to the end.  If, after finishing it, you don't want to do it again, that's fine.  We made two exceptions to that. Ryan broke his elbow from a pogo stick fall.  His little league coach was horrible, but he just put up with it, never complaining. It was a painful experience for us, watching him be humiliated and ignored, but we had to enforce it anyway.  So, when he showed up for a game, not in uniform, but sporting a cast, it was not even acknowledged.  The only reason he went was because he felt he wanted to support his team.  Needless to say, he never went back.  Jennifer experienced a severe sprain from a collision with a hurdle during track, which ended track season.  She played softball all summer in an air cast.

Maybe we were too strict.  Perhaps the rule too harsh, because when I witness the next generation being allowed to walk away, with no explanation or excuse, I feel it may have been.  Frankly, it has left me feeling sick to my stomach.  It could be that, instead of instilling taking responsibility for your choice and seeing it through it just didn't "take" like we'd hoped.

I've always had anxiety about whether I was good enough as a parent, in spite of my best efforts. Seeing that happening simply reinforces that fear.  One of my sisters always told me I was not a good mother because I was not "cool" about giving more freedoms.  I guess she was right.

While I'd love to send a reminder of the importance of finishing what you've started, I'm stepping back and not getting involved.  It doesn't make me feel any better, but I need to just give myself permission to be sad and disappointed.

The most difficult part of be a grandparent is knowing that we only exist for the times when there is a need or want.

Thank you for the shoulder to cry upon. ☘



 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

December 1, 2025. Short and (Not So) Sweet

  I promised not to get political here. I may be dangerously close to overstepping that line, but my heart hurts. Recently, what's-his-face in the White House called the Minnesota governor a slur so offensive and, in light of the fact that Governor Walz is the parent to a neurodivergent son, simply unforgivable. As children, we'd have had our fannies paddled for uttering the word. Our kids were brought up to NEVER say it. As a teen, I taught handicapped and disabled adults swimming lessons, as well as a few children. I worked for 12 years in our local school system in the Special Education department. That word was never used to describe any one of those humans, by anyone. I've been pretty open about having to delete Facebook several years ago due to the toxic nature of social media, and how it was affecting my mental health. I swore this time it would not get the best of me. In the past few days, I've blocked some of my "friends" over the fact that they found...
Read more

January 29, 2026 A Year of Lasts

Here we are, the 45th day of January. Funny how some months are gone in a blink and the one we need to pass by in a similar fashion just drags on forever!  February will likely be the same. We don't let a day pass without being grateful for a warm, fully functional home. A decision has been made that Randy's Repair will be officially closed by April 1.  Why that date? That is the renewal date for the shop insurance that we can no longer afford, or should I say, we refuse to pay. It went up $1000 last year and I've no doubt it will have another substantial increase again. Randy isn't busy enough to justify it. So, we will add the building to our homeowners policy and call it good.  Randy has been cutting back for about 2 years in anticipation of being able to close one day; partly to ease the customers into not having certain services available, and to give Randy time to adjust.  The newer equipment is largely computerized and he's not equipped to service that. That ...
Read more

May 23, 2026 Heartbreak

  I fear we are going to have to make an impossible decision. Rambo blew his knee out. Again. The same knee we just had repaired. For the second time.  When he had his last surgery, I was told that if this happened again, there would be nothing that could be done. On top of all of this, in spite of switching up his diet, and monitoring his frantic need to graze, he is still vomiting. His x-rays showed an enlarged spleen, but his bloodwork was all normal. Again, nothing we can do. I'm heartbroken. I can tell he's in pain, like his spark went out. As in the previous blowouts, we have no idea what caused it. Chasing squirrels? Clearing the birds from the lilacs? Did he trip over the edging? I cannot even bring myself to call the vet at this point, We have pain meds left over from surgery, so we can make him comfortable while we wrap our heads around what's happened. Be assured, we will do what is best for him, based on the vet's recommendation. It just may not be what'...
Read more