The Gramzie Chronicles

I do a lot of reflecting on Sundays. That's when God and I have our best conversations. By most standards, I'm not what the general public would refer to as a "good" Catholic. I would disagree with that; I'm a casual Catholic. I live by my faith, even if I don't demonstrate it each week by attending Mass. If I may, I'd like to share a few things that have brought me to this. I attended Catholic school until 8th grade, graduating in a class of 42. During that time, I experienced many good teachers, mostly nuns, but also had a few rotten apples. This, I realize, is the case in every educational setting, not exclusively limited to private schools. After seeing the way those women were treated and how they lived, it brought some form of understanding of why some appeared broken when it came to working with children. The one thing that resonated, however, was they never forgot we were just that; children. The priests came in various forms, as well. Some felt it...

  A long-time friend commented on one of my last blogs, reminding me of the first-born leadership role with which I was graced in her memory of me heading the sibs into church. It made me suddenly realize that I had been in the "mother mode" three times! My youngest brothers came in a close trio, the first of which when I was 12, then 14, and finally, 16. Always, and still, referred to as the Three Little Boys, even though they are all in their 50's now. They were my  first babies. The youngest of the 3 was only a few months old when Randy and I started dating. I spent a lot of time with those boys. The morning of our wedding, the middle child came to my room and asked where I was going. After I explained that after the wedding, we were going on a trip. He asked if he could come along. Can you imagine taking a 6 year old on your honeymoon? When we were on the farm, they got a lot of first-hand experience with the workings of raising pigs, farrowing, and grinding feed. The...

  Women supporting women. It's a powerful thing! I felt that power in the response to my last blog entry. A heartfelt thanks to my women. It's my hope I can be your support, your cheerleader, as well. We spent the weekend doing more yard work, ours and our neighbor's. It was the perfect weekend. My flower beds are rid of old mulch and the last of the leaves. I'm so ready to put more color in both, but that will have to wait. Solar lights set to give our home a warm glow at night. The critters all got their feeders replenished, so they were happy despite being displaced while the work was being done. If what "they" say is true, pain is our body's reminder we are alive. Well, I'm really  alive, then. My muscles feel like those first days of track practice, connected to my 69 year old hips! It will pass, I know. It hasn't squelched my anticipation of getting on my mower, my happy place. It's going to be a wonderful summer, I feel it. The news of P...

This is an extremely difficult and painful post, but a necessary part of my personal acceptance and healing. I've had a caring professional encourage me to do so, but I've put it off for too long. First of all, I am not targeting any one person. My use of "you" is a general term. I do take responsibility for letting them make me feel the way I did, and it's taken me so long to come to terms with being happy to just be me, warts and all. So, here goes... I forgive you for making me grow up too fast. Being the firstborn seemed to give so many license to make me more independent that I was truly ready to handle. I grew to be someone who never wanted to depend on anyone but myself. It caused me to push people away, instead of accepting help when it was offered, or affection I didn't feel I deserved. A shining example was a nun, who said when I was caught coming into the school lobby because I'd walked the 1/2 mile in the freezing cold, and wanted to get warm, ...

  I make a point of tuning into The View. Yes, I know they are despised by many, however I appreciate these very smart, informed, brave women. I learn something each morning, and while I may not always agree with everything, I find that I'm becoming so much more open to viewpoints that don't always align with what I may think. Does this mean I'm finally growing up...? Today is a rerun, so I'll be heading outside, hallelujah, to work at organizing and cleaning the garden shed. We've purged in a very big way, so I am anxious to actually have some room in which to work! A couple of years ago, I invested in the Black and Decker line of ion battery operated lawn tools just for me, and I can't say enough about them. My favorite tool is the leaf blower, which has doubled as a broom in the garage, and a snow shovel when the accumulation is light. It will make light work of the dirt and cobwebs in the shed. Now if I can just get some of whom shall remain nameless (the Gr...

  To own, operate, and manage a small business, you need to begin somewhere. Randy had the benefit of having a reputation of being a top John Deere mechanic when we found ourselves in the position of going into business for ourselves. Now, almost 45 years later, we can look back at how it all began, and the people who supported and encouraged us. Without them, we'd be living in our current home, with a big empty building next to it! Recently, yet another young family moved away from Emmetsburg after their plans to take over a local business fell by the wayside. Not knowing anything other that it had been agreed that the young man would work for a time, with the option of buying the business. What transpired I do not know, nor is it any of my affair anyway. I do know that this has happened in similar arrangements before, several times, with the owner. Now the young ones are opening their own venture, in a neighboring town. What a loss for us! Now, this young man, like both Randy and...

  In December, we decided to throw caution to the wind, and booked a "bucket list" trip to the Emerald Isle. A couple of months later, we prepared to invest in our retirement comfort and update our original old 70's kitchen. In hindsight, maybe we shouldn't have felt so secure in our future. I promised not to get political on here, so what's his name will not be mentioned. What we are fearful of is the uncertainty of the financial market, after seeing the stock market bottom out in consecutive days. We are blessed with experts protecting our retirement accounts, but they can't do anything about interest rates. We know the smart thing to do is to ride out the lows and hope for better days. The topper of the instability came when a customer told Randy his Social Security had been reduced. Our monthly income has kept us from having to draw from our retirement accounts, let's be real. Social Security is being threatened. as anyone who read Project 2025 already...

It's been a week. Nothing outstanding, just days in a row with no sun. It sucks any hope of joy from each day like that. In spite of taking supplemental Vitamin D, it still bothers me. A lot. A very positive result of no longer consuming alcohol is that my coping mechanism is much more effective.  As my brain cleared, I realized I wasn't "coping" with anything when I fell into my cup; it was just plain avoidance. Now, my no-booze decision will not be the topic regularly, I promise. Getting more to the point is coping skills. How do you cope? I'm talking life things, friend things, home things...you get it.  I already confessed to having the upheaval in my house is getting to me, and I can't just ignore it. Add on dreary days and that's a recipe for finding your mind straying to a sad place.  Yesterday, I'd had enough of the pity party. It was a nice day, just windy and cold. Not ideal for working outside, my usual go-to.   Randy's had to live with ...

  This comes on the heels of a vey personal, raw post. Some wonder how I can just "put it out there". Am I not worried about being judged or thought less of because of being vulnerable? The clear answer is NO.  The blog is my therapy of sorts. It's about being able to write out parts of my life to have to look back on. It's all part of the reason I'm transparent. There is already too much filtering of what we see of others' lives, showing only the good and wonderful. Real life isn't like that. I'm admittedly somewhat of a control freak. Firstborn tendencies are strong. What I've learned, especially lately, is that I cannot control whether a person is judgmental or not. Frankly, I don't care about being judged. It does not make me a flawed person, being the one judged. It is a character flaw to be the judge, placing that person in the position of power to decide something about another. It's never warranted. Being judgmental, I feel, simply ...

  April is here. Now may the warm spring days be more and the cold snowy ones a fond memory. There is no need for a drumroll for this topic today. I quit drinking. I have not counted the days, but it's been about a year and a half since. Instead of calling it a recovery, I feel it's better for me to refer to it as a significant life change. Unlike many, I did not have a dramatic event that forced this change. There was no major health problem, behavior faux pas, criminal slip, or intervention. I simply...quit. It was after the fact that I found how positively my life would be impacted. Alcohol had always been a part of my life, from the days Dad would give me a "snort" of his icy beer after work, to being of legal age at 18, always present at every celebration, to becoming a crutch during Covid. That is where it, in hindsight, got out of hand. I hid it pretty well, although the bottles accumulated at an alarming rate in the recycling. I ignored it, thinking I was okay...